I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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