dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
