I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
3pm strippers are depressing
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
