I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
