I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
