If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
