I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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