so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
