oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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