sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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