yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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