I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
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