I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
