The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
