Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
