Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize