you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Randomize
