I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
