someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
