News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
