Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
