What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
