I could have mohawked her pubes.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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