I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
pop tarts are not kleenex
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
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