i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
