Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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