Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
