You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Thank you for not boning my boss.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
