Duck Duck Cougar?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
