You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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