i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
