Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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