At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Randomize
