I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
you had me at cake vodka
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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