Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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