Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize