I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Randomize
