We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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