We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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