Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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