Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
