I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
My liver just had a heart attack.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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