she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
