which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
