News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
