I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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