I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
