i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
