Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
