When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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