I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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