no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
