hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
