It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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