Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize