elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
