why didn't you poke me back
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
