he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
