he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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