My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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