i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
