it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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