i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
