shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize