He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I believe in your delicious
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize