I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
