I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize