I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
