I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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